All Drug Olympics

     In the past few years there has been much in the news about drug use in sports. There was even a drug use scandal in the para-olympics!! These guys are laying rubber with their wheel chairs. A-Rod got caught up as well a few years ago. Perhaps he was unfairly persecuted by the media and fans for taking performance enhancing drugs. What's wrong with them really anyway? It would certainly be more interesting to watch fastballs clocked at 175 miles per hour knocked into oblivion or foul balls zipping into the stands like ballistic missiles actually killing fans. If atheletes were just let off their chemical leash who knows what the result could be. Michael Phelps finishing the 100 meter butterfly before he starts? Lance Armstrong winning his 38th consecutive Tour de France at the age of 88? How about the "Bot-athalon" , a new olympic event, where atheletes compete in a superhuman one day event. First 300 mile run across the Gobi Desert, a 500 mile bike jaunt up and down K-2. finishing with a little swim from Indonesia to Mindanao. How about the Heptaminol Deep Diving Challenge where atheletes dive into the Marianas Trench to retrieve colored ping pong balls? Whose got balls I tell ya.
     I read about the Balco "clear" (undetectable) testosterone sport scam and Floyd Landis's doping detection and loss of his Tour De France title. From all this an idea was spawned. Why not conduct an "open" Olympics. This has potential. Let 'em ingest whatever they want. We will have swimmers leaving wakes you can surf in. High jumpers leaping, porportionately, like fleas over tractor trailers piled three high. Forget the marathon,,,,26 miles,,,pooh,,,,75 miles with an Amana 10 cubic foot freezer tied to your back. This alone has great sponsor potential. Instead of the freezer, a similar weight in cases of Coca-Cola. Javeliners shooting the spear like a bullet through steel plates. Sprinters racing high speed trains. No one can imagine yet the human potential,,,,let alone the ad revenue,,,, or the ads themselves. An athelete in a lycra suit, his body already laden in testosterone, with a visible erection downing a cocktail of hormones. A bikinied beach volley ball competitor, with legs like a bull frog, and a visible beard injecting herself with pint of "Get-A-Head", a powerful steroid.
     Perhaps we need new separate halls of fame too in sports. The druggies deserve a break. The Desoxymethyltestosterone Ward Of Fame For The Astronomical. Other Suggestions: The Olympics Sponsered by Nandrolone, Methylhexaneamine, Hydroxystanozolol, and Furosemide. It reads like the ingredients on a box of Vanilla Wafers.
     And the crowd,,,sell 'em whatever. A tribe of screaming, drunken, hormoned groupies punching each other in the stands. The first host country?????? It must be desperate or without scruples. At the moment Turkey or Saudi Arabia would be ripe ground,,, and here at home, of course there is Detroit where we could get a one hundred thirty acre convention center for twenty-seven cents and tax breaks for the next 60 years. How might the logo appear? Instead of interlocking rings perhaps a star composed of graduated cylinders?